This is something that shouldn't even have to be a post. There should be a mutual human understanding like the Geneva Convention for Etiquette You Should Already Know. At the very least there should be a reference guide a la Emily Post. And it’s the little things in life that get you. The big things you deal with since they’re big. The little things just add up until you flip out. This morning was already a tough morning. I was running late after having been up for about three hours with Cora as her top two teeth cut through (on top of which the poor little thing was constipated). Long night. So, as I pull into the parking garage at work, my nerves are already frayed. Being the healthy girl I am (ahem) I choose to take the stairs (two whole floors) from the parking ramp to the entrance of our building instead of the elevator. I always make sure I wait for anyone else coming down the stairs so that I don’t just jump in front of someone. I wear heels and so I know I don’t skip down the stairs at warp speed. But today – as with many, many other days – once I do start down the stairs some bozo comes flying down the staircase behind me and human-tailgates me alllll the way down the stairs. I would like to see these jerks try and skip down cement stairs in 3” heels carrying a briefcase and purse. At some point I swear I am going to turn right around to face one of these “gaters” and tell them “You are obviously in a such a big hurry that why don’t you go on past me” just to make them feel like the jerks they are. But today I say nothing. Strike one.
So, I get into the building and head to the elevator “lobby” to await one of four ‘vaters to take me up to the seventh floor (I’m not walking those stairs – that’s crazy talk). First of all, I’m a firm believer in “First in time, First in right”. That means, if I get to the vater bay first, I get to get into the vater first. If I don’t get there first, I make sure everyone who was there before me gets on before me. That’s only fair. Today some lady decided that she was more important than that and walked right past me into the just-opening vater before I could even move. Now I’m really crabby. So I head on into the vater and head to the back wall to make space for everyone. When I say everyone I didn’t mean all 364 people seemingly trying to smoosh their way on our one little vater. But try they did. I don’t know why people crush themselves into these things as if there won’t be another one opening two seconds after ours takes off. But since everyone and their brother decided to get on MY vater this morning there was not much room to be had. Apparently unaware of that fact was the woman in front of me who backed up so far that I was literally sucking myself against the back wall of the vater, and holding my arms up, hands by my head, flat against the wall with coffee and bagel in hand. The woman in front of me was either completely oblivious or couldn’t have cared less. Combined Strike two.
Luckily the space hog got off on one of the lower floors (another thing that pisses me off – just take the &%^$ stairs if you’re only going one floor!) and eventually it was only me and about 3 other guys. Two of the guys were apparently new dads and were talking about their babies’ sleep patterns. Guy One says “yeah the kid was up in the middle of the night last night wanting to eat. I told Sally its time to wean him off but she won’t do it. Its so hard to get woken up smack in the middle of the night.” So not to be outdone, Guy Two says, “Well at least you don’t have a three-month-old at home who gets up to nurse every two hours! I’m exhausted!” Ok, perfect storm. I couldn’t control myself. I looked at both men and said “Tired huh? I wonder how your wives feel about it?” At that point the doors opened and I whisked myself off and headed to my office leaving the men befuddled over who the nosy bi__h was who just told them off. Hee Hee Hee. Granted I probably shouldn't have made these two guys bear the brunt of my bad morning. But I'm just sure I've seen one of them human-gate me in the staircase in the parking lot - so its all ok.