Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Head Over Heels

Once you're married you're led to believe that person is (or at least should be) your one and only true love. Well, I need to break it to hubby that I am head over heels for someone else. My little Cora.

Now I know many of you would say "Duh - you're her mom"! Well, I was one of the lucky 1 in 10 who ended up with PPD (post partum depression) after Coco was born. I'll spare you all the details for now, but suffice it to say, until the joy of modern medicine entered my life I was not in a happy mommy place. Things have steadily gotten better since that first month, but as any new mom can tell you - this gig is challenging!

But, it seems (knock on the biggest piece of wood I can find in the world) that hubby and I are finally starting to get into a groove here. We've got our routine, we know the drills, we even surprise ourselves now and again by figuring something out on our own.

I have to be honest and say that when the time came for me to go back to work I was not dreading it the way many moms do. Don't get me wrong - I did NOT like leaving her in a room full of strangers and screaming babies (that's a whoooole nother blog) and so the tears did flow. But part of me was really excited about getting back to 'normal' at work.

Little by little my perspective on that has shifted. Not enough for me to say I'm ready to be a stay-at-home mom.... I just wouldn't be good at it and I can admit that. I have so much respect for those women who give everything up to raise their families - it is TRULY a 24 hour, often thankless job. BUT, I do find myself eyeing the clock each day willing 4:30 to arrive a little sooner so I can go scoop a happy, chubby, toothy little babbler into my arms and kiss her cheeks so much I'm surprised they aren't chapped. When I'm putting her down at night (the job I've wrangled for myself and one I would never trade) I have a hard time actually putting her down. I just want to hold her, rock her, sing to her, brush her hair gently across her little forehead, breathe in her smell, and softly kiss her cheeks for as long as possible.

They say the strongest relationships - the ones with the best chances for long term happiness and real true love - are the ones that developed slowly, over time. I hope for our sakes that is true. It sure seemed to work for her Daddy and I.

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