Saturday, January 19, 2008
After hours and hours of conversations that went like this:
Can you say MaMa?
Can you say MaMa?
Can you say MaMa?
We got this:
Can you say Da Da?
DA DA! Da da da da da da
So uncool. And now, to top it all off, we're up to "Hi Da!" I can at least take some solace in the understanding that she has no idea who "Da" is and that she says "hi da" to the cat, her stuffed zebra and her toes, but still.
So we continue to work on MaMa along with being proud of and encouraging all the DaDas and Hi Da's we get. Someday my MaMa will come and when it does I live in the thought that the hardest earned spoils are the sweetest!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Now I know many of you would say "Duh - you're her mom"! Well, I was one of the lucky 1 in 10 who ended up with PPD (post partum depression) after Coco was born. I'll spare you all the details for now, but suffice it to say, until the joy of modern medicine entered my life I was not in a happy mommy place. Things have steadily gotten better since that first month, but as any new mom can tell you - this gig is challenging!
But, it seems (knock on the biggest piece of wood I can find in the world) that hubby and I are finally starting to get into a groove here. We've got our routine, we know the drills, we even surprise ourselves now and again by figuring something out on our own.
I have to be honest and say that when the time came for me to go back to work I was not dreading it the way many moms do. Don't get me wrong - I did NOT like leaving her in a room full of strangers and screaming babies (that's a whoooole nother blog) and so the tears did flow. But part of me was really excited about getting back to 'normal' at work.
Little by little my perspective on that has shifted. Not enough for me to say I'm ready to be a stay-at-home mom.... I just wouldn't be good at it and I can admit that. I have so much respect for those women who give everything up to raise their families - it is TRULY a 24 hour, often thankless job. BUT, I do find myself eyeing the clock each day willing 4:30 to arrive a little sooner so I can go scoop a happy, chubby, toothy little babbler into my arms and kiss her cheeks so much I'm surprised they aren't chapped. When I'm putting her down at night (the job I've wrangled for myself and one I would never trade) I have a hard time actually putting her down. I just want to hold her, rock her, sing to her, brush her hair gently across her little forehead, breathe in her smell, and softly kiss her cheeks for as long as possible.
They say the strongest relationships - the ones with the best chances for long term happiness and real true love - are the ones that developed slowly, over time. I hope for our sakes that is true. It sure seemed to work for her Daddy and I.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
This is something that shouldn't even have to be a post. There should be a mutual human understanding like the Geneva Convention for Etiquette You Should Already Know. At the very least there should be a reference guide a la Emily Post. And it’s the little things in life that get you. The big things you deal with since they’re big. The little things just add up until you flip out. This morning was already a tough morning. I was running late after having been up for about three hours with Cora as her top two teeth cut through (on top of which the poor little thing was constipated). Long night. So, as I pull into the parking garage at work, my nerves are already frayed. Being the healthy girl I am (ahem) I choose to take the stairs (two whole floors) from the parking ramp to the entrance of our building instead of the elevator. I always make sure I wait for anyone else coming down the stairs so that I don’t just jump in front of someone. I wear heels and so I know I don’t skip down the stairs at warp speed. But today – as with many, many other days – once I do start down the stairs some bozo comes flying down the staircase behind me and human-tailgates me alllll the way down the stairs. I would like to see these jerks try and skip down cement stairs in 3” heels carrying a briefcase and purse. At some point I swear I am going to turn right around to face one of these “gaters” and tell them “You are obviously in a such a big hurry that why don’t you go on past me” just to make them feel like the jerks they are. But today I say nothing. Strike one.
So, I get into the building and head to the elevator “lobby” to await one of four ‘vaters to take me up to the seventh floor (I’m not walking those stairs – that’s crazy talk). First of all, I’m a firm believer in “First in time, First in right”. That means, if I get to the vater bay first, I get to get into the vater first. If I don’t get there first, I make sure everyone who was there before me gets on before me. That’s only fair. Today some lady decided that she was more important than that and walked right past me into the just-opening vater before I could even move. Now I’m really crabby. So I head on into the vater and head to the back wall to make space for everyone. When I say everyone I didn’t mean all 364 people seemingly trying to smoosh their way on our one little vater. But try they did. I don’t know why people crush themselves into these things as if there won’t be another one opening two seconds after ours takes off. But since everyone and their brother decided to get on MY vater this morning there was not much room to be had. Apparently unaware of that fact was the woman in front of me who backed up so far that I was literally sucking myself against the back wall of the vater, and holding my arms up, hands by my head, flat against the wall with coffee and bagel in hand. The woman in front of me was either completely oblivious or couldn’t have cared less. Combined Strike two.
Luckily the space hog got off on one of the lower floors (another thing that pisses me off – just take the &%^$ stairs if you’re only going one floor!) and eventually it was only me and about 3 other guys. Two of the guys were apparently new dads and were talking about their babies’ sleep patterns. Guy One says “yeah the kid was up in the middle of the night last night wanting to eat. I told Sally its time to wean him off but she won’t do it. Its so hard to get woken up smack in the middle of the night.” So not to be outdone, Guy Two says, “Well at least you don’t have a three-month-old at home who gets up to nurse every two hours! I’m exhausted!” Ok, perfect storm. I couldn’t control myself. I looked at both men and said “Tired huh? I wonder how your wives feel about it?” At that point the doors opened and I whisked myself off and headed to my office leaving the men befuddled over who the nosy bi__h was who just told them off. Hee Hee Hee. Granted I probably shouldn't have made these two guys bear the brunt of my bad morning. But I'm just sure I've seen one of them human-gate me in the staircase in the parking lot - so its all ok.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
For anyone out there thinking of the diet, I would suggest you either try and take a week's vacation and do it that way (if you work outside the home) or that you really mentally prep for everything it will entail. The forum boards at www.themastercleanse.com are helpful - I wish I had looked at them before I started. Plus, it helps to have folks out there going through it at the same time you are. I tried to make a couple posts but unfortunately you have to be approved by the mods first and I'm still waiting (day late, dollar short) so do that ahead of time. Sometimes you need immediate support. I also would not suggest this for someone who has led a VERY unhealthy lifestyle, someone who is on prescription medications or someone with small children (it just saps too much of your energy).
This evening when I called it quits I had some chicken-flavored ramen. My "eliminations" have slowed way down but are still mostly water (to be expected I suppose). After the ramen I crashed hard for about an hour and a half. When I woke up the chills were horrible and the joint pain really bad. I took some ibuprofen and am feeling better but I'm pretty sure I won't be trying this again anytime soon. My health guru thinks the Candida diet is a better alternative for me and will give me all the results I want with a strict regimen but one that at least allows me to eat. :) Bring it on!
7:00am: Ok, sick hubby + teething infant = bad time for cleanse. Cora was up multiple, multiple times during the night - at one point for over a half hour and needed a bottle to calm down. Since hubby was sick I was on call. I didn't sleep well anyway even without her waking. I don't know if I was really too hungry to sleep, or if I was just nervous I'd GET to hungry to sleep. I'm neurotic that way. Plus I had to get up at least 3 times to pee. No eliminations overnight though so that was pleasant. I did have the joy of stepping in cat puke in the dark on one trip to the bathroom though. Plus I was trying to sleep as far on my side of the bed as possible in order to avoid catching hubby's whosiewhastsis. All in all not a great night. The funny thing is that I'm not a zombie this morning. I don't feel like running a marathon, but I've felt worse than this on nights I've gotten decent sleep. I'm guessing I'll crash this afternoon. The good news is that hubby feels a fair deal better this morning and is helping out with Coco bean. Did my saltwater flush but could only get through 20oz of the 32. Not too worried cuz after I got up this morning I "eliminated" three times before I even got to the flush and one time during. No waiting over an hour this time- the flush took hold almost immediately. Wasn't expecting it and didn't have much warning sooooooo [gross out alert] I'm on my third pair of underwear for the day. Yes for those of you playing at home I have "not made it to the restroom in time" twice now. I think I'm going to skip the saltwater flush and lax tea on weekdays. This just will not fly at the office. I made up my entire day's worth of lemonade this morning - much easier and its what I'll have to do for the work week anyway but I added too much cayenne - ick. Oh well I'll know better next time. The only problem is I didn't gauge well and I'm out of maple syrup and the local health food store is closed on Sundays (losers). Soooo sending hubby out on a mission to the local grocery stores on a wing and a prayer. Not sure what I'll do tomorrow if he can't find it. The one bright spot in my morning - even after drinking the 20oz of saltwater, I weighed myself and have lost 2.2lbs. Yay me. :)
10:45am: Ok so I have been running to the bathroom like a .... like a.... ok I dunno what but a LOT. A lot a lot. More than you'd think a lot. I keep going back and forth between being "fine" and feeling strong, to being NOT fine and wanting to quit like a muthafluffa. In addition I put too much cayenne in my premade lemonade and just now find out on the web that the cayenne will get stronger throughout the day so I'm thinking I may have to toss it at some point and go back to glass by glass. Other than that no real issues. My tongue is getting the white coating they describe and I have some muscle soreness in my neck and shoulders which could either be toxins releasing (that is where I always carry my stress) or just the fact that I slept tense last night. I'm not really hungry, hungry, but just want to EAT. Surprisingly all the things that sounded good yesterday (BK, sour cream Ruffles, onion rings) aren't a big deal today but I would kill for some almonds. Go figure. Well for now I'm sticking it out. More to come...
Just found this on a support site:
This is the perfect time for you to reevaluate your relationship with food as well as your self-control issues. On the cleanse you will learn the difference between physical hunger and mental hunger and you'll see that 90% of the time you are mentally hungry. So find other things to do to keep yourself from eating. And relearn your habits, find other ways to satisfy yourself. Food is just a filler and something to do. Take this time on the cleanse to start to break the control that food has over you. It's really a mind of matter thing. It's really you being resolute and standing up to everything in you that wants to be weak and indulge and saying no. You be your own drill seargant. You whip yourself into shape. No one else will do it for you. No one else cares about you enough to do it. You need to love yourself enough to want yourself to be better.
2:02pm: Wow just looked at the clock thinking it had to be around 5:30. Um nope. Am seriously on the quitting fence. On one hand I feel like maybe this is not a healthy thing and that not eating for 12 days is not the way humans were made. I'm tired, have a headache, am really really hungry and am crabby. On the other hand I don't want to be a quitter, I want to lose the weight, I want to detox my body and I've come this far. I just don't know what to do. The worse part is the "butt pee". I just cannot get that under control and I'm really scared for work tomorrow if I continue. Annnnnnd I already cheated - I had a spoonful of peanut butter. I couldn't help it - I was delirious :) Just need to think this out some. Hubby is all for quitting - he never liked this idea in the first place. He wants to buy me a rowing machine (been wanting one) instead if weight loss is my goal. I'm just not sure I'm ready to abandon this. They say days 2&3 are the worst which should be affirming but is actually daunting because I don't want to feel like this for another whole day. Hmmmm ....