Thursday, May 15, 2008

How Do We Get There From Here?

Hubby and I, for the past few weeks, have been discussing some major milestones in our life as a couple. We are trying to decide two key issues: 1) When to move out of our current home and build our "lifetime" home; and 2) When to think about trying for munchkin #2. It hasn't been the smoothest or most pleasant of conversations since we appear to be of two different minds. I want to do both relatively soon in order to get settled, put down roots, and start our lives as a full family. Hubby wants to wait on both in order to give us some time to get used to both ideas and to prepare financially for them. Hubby also feels strongly that we should do one at a time (i.e. either have baby, then build and move, or move and then have baby). He doesn't want us to take on too much at once. The problem is, that is the way of our people - its what we do.

What do I mean by that? Let me give some examples. We got engaged, and then told we were being transferred from Iowa to Memphis, TN all within 12 hours. We got married and moved back from Memphis to Iowa in one weekend. We got pregnant and got a puppy the same weekend. We delivered our first child and while I was out on maternity leave, I interviewed for and accepted a new job. Change is who we are. Its what we do. Its part of being a young family. I am struggling to understand why now, its suddenly time to slow down.

Now before you think me too impetuous, let me assure you that while being financially stable is an admirable goal (and one we BOTH subscribe to) we have crunched numbers from here to kingdom come and, with some minor sacrifices for the short term, can definitely afford to move forward with our dream home now. We will not be putting ourselves at any great risk barring, God forbid, the death or loss of a job by one of us. And of course, in either of those circumstances we'd be in a world of hurt even in our current situation. That's just a low-end calculated risk you take as a family.

My thoughts are simple: 1) I'm not getting any younger. I want to have my second child before I am considered significantly "high risk" for pregnancy. I also want to be done changing diapers by the time I'm 40. I'd like to get daycare out of the way as soon as possible, financially. I'd like my kids to be close enough in age to actually like each other. 2) I'd like to be settled in a new home before having our second child. I do not want to move with a newborn. Having a newborn is hard enough and trying to get a newborn and a toddler adapted to new surroundings (not to mention trying to get a nursery ready with the baby already here) is not something I'm excited to take on.

While I can appreciate my husband's desire not to have to endure building a house (already a stressful event) with a hormonal whale of a wife who will not be much help lifting heavy objects, I think that the better alternative to building a house with a SUPER hormonal, new mommy, leaky, worn out, wife.

So where do we go from here? The age old pillar of marriage - concession and compromise. One thing Hubby and I are good at is talking things through and finding middle ground. I will say this has been one of our harder ones to master. In fact, its not mastered yet. But since neither of us can make this decision unilaterally (at least without risking jail time) we have no choice. We will get there. How and when we'll get there is still a little murky but I have to trust that we will get there. While I'd like to put this issue to bed in order to move forward knowing the game plan, I have to appreciate that some decisions cannot be made in a week's time. Loving my husband means respecting his feelings and wishes - not just in easy times like football season or furniture shopping - but in the hard times too. It means respecting his feelings even if mine are just as strong in the opposite direction on one of the most important things we could choose to discuss. It means remembering I married a person, not a subordinate. Who knows where we will end up, when we will end up there, and how many of "us" there will be when we do. But hopefully by the time we get where we're going, we'll both understand its the right place at the right time.

Monday, May 12, 2008

How I Spent My Very First Mother’s Day - By Me.

My very first mother’s day was perhaps not everything I envisioned (no one peeled me grapes or gave me a two-hour massage) but it was a pretty good one nonetheless. It started with Coco waking up at 6:20am. That doesn't sound like a great start, but my mom – who was staying with me while Hubby was gone – immediately told me that she would get Coco up, give her breakfast and get her ready for the day. Hypothetically then, I got to go back to sleep and rest in quiet satisfaction. But like most of you moms know, once I’m up (and once the kid is up), I’m up. So… in order not to look like a stalker-mom, I rested in bed for another 20 minutes before getting up and sneaking off to wrap my mom’s present.

I came downstairs with present and cards in tow to find my little one in a happy mood and a beautiful orchid sitting on my kitchen table – a gift from my mom. I gave my mom her gift (a Lladro figurine of a small dark-haired baby girl in a bassinet) and got to see her pleased expression when she opened it along with the cards – one from Ryan and I, and one from Coco.

After that, the day was pretty much like any other weekend. I made some breakfast and coffee for Mom and I, got showered and dressed, did some dishes, did the laundry, played with Coco, and just generally bided my time until Hubby got home.

At 1:30 mom and dad (who had stopped over to say happy mom’s day) took off and I packed Coco up to head to the airport. Unfortunately, when I got there Hubby’s flight was delayed almost 30 mins. So Coco and I hung out for about 45 mins in the waiting area. Luckily she was a happy camper even though it was naptime and she just crawled around and checked out all the peeps. Once Hubby's flight came, I got my Mother's Day gift from Cora - I got to see her overjoyed little face when she saw her Dada and I got watch her bury her head in his shoulder and kick her little legs in joy when he picked her up and held her.

Once Hubby got home I got his gift – a beautiful outfit with some slacks and a matching blouse. After that, the weekend progressed again much like any other… We played with the baby, watched some TV, did a few house chores, a little more laundry and then I put the little one to bed while Hubby walked the dog. Hubby grilled out (a yummy petite fillet for me – ribeye for him) while I made us loaded baked potatoes. We had dinner with a glass of wine and then I got to watch my Tivo’ed Top Chef (which Hubby graciously watched with me) while I finished up the laundry. Coco decided to make an appearance a couple of times, finally settling down for the night around 8:30pm. I ended the night by reading in bed for a bit and then we turned in for the night early at 10:00pm after both having loooong weekends.

Soooo was my first Mother’s day as glamorous as the movies and Hallmark make it out to be? No. But the point is, it was my first Mother’s day… my gift was asleep (mostly) up in her crib. While I was doing laundry I was washing little shirts and jeans and jammies. While I was doing dishes I was cleaning bottles and sippy cups and tiny spoons. While I was watching TV I was also checking the video monitor to see a little tiny angel resting peacefully. All of this with the man of my dreams by my side. I would say that’s just about as great a Mother’s Day as you can get.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Husband Tag

Amy tagged me with Husband Tag...keep reading to see if YOU have been tagged! So here we go...

What is his name? Ryan or Dada
How long have you been married? 2 years this past April
How long did you date? Including the engagement, 2 years
How old is he? 29 (allllmost the big 3-0)
Who eats more? Sadly, oftentimes that is me. He is a admits he eats like a bird.
Who said I love you first? He did (woah boy is that a story)
Who is taller? He is - 6'5"
Who sings better? I guess probably me, but just because he won't do it - he says he's terrible.
Who's temper is worse? Depends: on frequency, mine - on severity, probably his.
Who does the laundry? I do mine and Coco's, he does his own.
Who does the dishes? Me.
Who sleeps on the right side of the bed (when you are facing it)? Me
Who pays the bills? He does. I just incur them.
'Who cooks dinner? We both do just depending on what we're having and who's more motivated!
Who mows the lawn? He does.
Who drives when you are together? He does about 90% of the time.
Who has more friends? Probably him - he kept in touch with a lot more college friends than I did.
Who has more siblings? He does...he has a sister & a brother...I only have one sister.
Who wears the pants in the family? No one... there are no pants. :)

Ok, I'm tagging... Jen S, and Nette