The Tao of Kristi

I am a complex individual. I get that. I live in Iowa but like to conduct myself like I live in Manhattan. I am a mom but refuse to turn my life over to being ONLY that. I am an attorney but refuse to bend to the stereotype of one. But today I think I unwittingly illustrated the dichotomy that is me quite well.

It all started this morning when my friend, Becky, emailed and asked if I would like to accompany her along to our local health food store (Campbell’s) over our lunch hour. She had started a new diet this week and needed all kinds of grasses, grains and drops to be able to fully participate. Bless her little heart she was diving in head first and really committing - that's just so cute.

Charmed by her naïve vigor (and just wanting to get outside in the 80-degree weather) I heartily agreed. On the way we agreed that we would just hit a drive-through on the way home so she could grab a side salad and I could get…whatever. I’m not picky. I can find something almost anywhere.

When we pulled into the parking lot of the strip mall housing Campbell’s I realized it was right next door to an Arby’s. Yay! Hubby hates Arby’s so I almost never get to eat there. As we got out of the car I was content in the knowledge that after this little detour I would have curly fries awaiting me.

We went into the store and I followed Becky around giving her helpful little tips (sometimes its good having a health food hippie for a sister!). While Becky was looking at the stevia packets, my eye fell on a small box by the various packaged “cleanses”. The front said “15-day Weight Loss Cleanse and Flush” and the top flap simply said “Flatter Abdomen”. Ok, you have my full attention. I grabbed the small box and first checked the price – one thing I’ve learned is that being healthy is EXPENSIVE! It was only $11.00. Ok that’s not too bad comparatively.

I began reading the side of the box which was telling me that slow digestion, lack of fiber, and “poor assimilation” of food leads to bloating and low energy. Yes, yes, go on. It claimed that in 15 days it would cleanse my digestive tract (um.. could be icky), reduce bloating and help flatten the appearance of my abdomen. You had me at Flatter Abdomen. I was in. And so was Becky.

Since I was now being “healthy” I decided to look around the store for some healthy snacks. After weighing taste vs carbs I decided on a small spendy pack of organic, whole wheat pretzel bites filled with peanut butter. I felt so important and enlightened – being willing to spend so much – an investment really – on my health. I was going to be a granola-eating twig in no time.

We rang up and headed back to the car. Without hesitation (or any sense of irony) we went straight to the Arby’s drive thru where I ordered a #17 combo…. A french dip sandwich, curly fries, a side of cheddar (for the fries of course), and a diet coke (you can never be too health conscious I always say).

As we were walking back into work I noticed a man walking past us who looked at my Arby’s bag – looked at my Campbell’s bag – and then looked at me. He seemed perplexed. At that point I realized that perhaps those two bags did not often run in the same circles. Most likely they had never been seen in the same place at the same time before. They were the bag equivalent of Michael and LaToya Jackson.

I thought about that for about 2 minutes – but then I reached my office, sat the Campbell’s bag over by my purse, laid the Arby’s bag delicately on my desk and began to arrange my carb buffet in front of me. Who can think about the ironies of the universe when there is melty cheddar cheese product in front of you just waiting to be eaten?