Friday, August 1, 2008

Running on Empty

This morning I did something very, very odd. I got up at 5:30 (normally I get up around 6:20) and went for a run. This is odd for two reasons… 1) I don’t run. Ever. Seriously. 2) I am NOT a morning person and will go through seemingly ridiculous gyrations just to get to sleep an extra 10 minutes. (Its amazing how fast your brain can do math at that early hour of the morning: “Hmmm if I decide now what I’m going to wear I can sleep for 5 more minutes” - bang the snooze button).

What brought about this madness you ask? Two words: swimsuit shopping. I had not tried on a swim suit since my honeymoon 2.5 years ago. This was post diet, pre child and involved a bikini. However, I was invited by a friend to go to the local pool with her and her son this past weekend. When I pulled out said bikini I noticed, warily, that it was marked as a “small”. That did not sound quite right. Then I put it on. There were more rolls than a southern family reunion. Not pretty. Ok, ok I just needed to go buy a one-piece at my local Target and I’d be good to go.

I walked into target somewhat hopeful. While I hadn’t truly enjoyed swimsuit shopping since college, it had always still been a little fun to find that perfect new suit. Apparently waiting until August to do that is a bad idea. There were almost no suits left. I pulled together the few one-pieces and tankinis that I could find and headed to the dressing room. Holy mother of all terrors. When I left Target empty handed (after stooping so low as to try on the Liz Lange maternity swimsuits) I was all but ready to slit my wrists. I ended up going to the pool in a tank top and shorts. I remember laughing at those moms when I was younger. This so sucks.

Then last night as I sat in my big comfy chair reading in my jammies, I happened to look down (big mistake) at my legs. Lets just say the glare of the lamplight on my hail damage did not do a lot to increase my self worth. I used to be thin – no, I used to be SKINNY. Way tooo skinny. How do I go from that to THIS? What happened. Did my eating habits really change all that horribly? NO! I used to live at Taco Johns, drink soda constantly and eat raw cake batter for a snack for God’s sake. I actually make better eating choices now. So what the heck happened? The worst part, I think, is knowing that I’m not "just big boned”, its not “just genetic”, and I haven’t “always been this way”. I was skinny – why can’t I be that way again? {sniffle}

So, something has to give. I cannot sit by (literally) and let myself fall down the slippery slope to being buried in a piano case. I heard a co-worker say yesterday that his wife was training for a local marathon and that she was starting to look “smokin”. I asked him when she found the time since she is a full time attorney and mother of two small girls. He said she gets up at 5:00 to go running. It made sense. And since I know I have no energy at 8:00 at night once I get dinner done, cleaned up and the little one put to bed, morning was my only option.

Who knows how long this will last. Who knows if I’ll keep it up. Lord knows I’ve tried just about everything else and failed to stick with it. I have the workout ethic of Santa Claus and the willpower of a crack addict. Not a good combo. But if I can keep up this running thing, continue to do my 25 squats each night before bed, and tame down the major carb intake (that will be the biggest hurdle – me loves me some carbs) maybe, just maybe I can get back to some semblance of my former self. I’m not askin for “days of yore” super skinny, but I would sure take a size 6 if someone threw it my way. Oh please Oh please start throwin!

1 comment:

Amy said...

Oh gosh, are killin' me! As I sit here snacking on my cheez-its & Coke. Ha!