Tough Day at the Office

Hubby and I were house-bound snow bunnies today after getting 8" of snow in our area. Figuring that our care provider cannot possibly carry Coco around all day with 4 other kids to care for, our plan was to both work from home at just pretend she was in day-care. We thought Cora would play on the floor on her blanket with toys, or in her pack-n-play, or her exersaucer, or her jumparoo -- we'd feed her, play with her, she'd go down for her two naps (about 90 mins each) and all would be well with the world. Yeah, no.

First of all, Cora is teething again (who are we kidding - the child is teething perpetually). This time its the upper side two teeth coming in. In addition to that, apparently being out of her weekly routine of going to her care provider's threw her off base. Apparently the "day-care-at-home" vibe was not one she was willing to accept. She took her two naps - but only for 30 mins each. She wouldn't eat on schedule (or much at all period). She would start to cry about 30 seconds after we put her on her blanket, or in her excersaucer, or in her jumparoo. By 3:00 this afternoon she was fussing even while we were holding her if we didn't shift positions every 10 seconds. On top of all of this, Hubby was working under a very tight deadline and I had 3 important teleconferences I had to participate in. It was not a happy day. Most of the day however Cora was in my charge since Hubby had to keep pounding away to get stuff done. I started to feel a little put upon that my job took backseat to Hubby's and that I was the one who was expected to take care of Cora all day.

After Cora went to bed I was so frustrated, frazzled, and dissapointed that I slipped into the mollygrubs. You know - the place of self-doubt that wraps you up so tightly you can't see the upside of down? I realized (for the 100th time) that I would not be a good stay-at-home mom and because of that started to feel terrible. I started wondering what kind of mother wouldn't want to spend every available moment with her child? Most women I know would kill to be able to trade their jobs for their children. That thought spun into "maybe I should have never been a mom". That thought spun into the "did I make a huge mistake?" That thought spun into "hubby probably thinks I'm a horrible mother". That thought spun into "with hubby so stressed and me being a terrible mom and homemaker what on earth would keep him here?" At that point even I realized it was time to claw my way back up to the surface.

I went in, sat down, and talked to my husband. I apologized for not having been a very nuturing mother today and told him I had some frustrations I wanted to talk about. Turns out he had some as well and we talked about everything going on in our lives, at work and at home. By the end of the talk we were laughing, hugging, and deciding to go take a break from computers, chores, and cleaning and go watch some TV together on the couch. I'm back to feeling like a woman who is ok with her choices and with being who she is and I know more about the stressors Hubby is facing. Hubby is feeling less stressed about everything on his shoulders and is more aware of what I need some help with around the house. Cora is snoozing away happily upstairs (so far). It may not be Norman Rockwell for the ages, but for 2008 I think its pretty darn close.

(p.s. of course just as I was about to hit "publish" the ever-familiar paci cry erupted upstairs. sorry Mr. Rockwell!)