Saturday, January 12, 2008

Day 1

Day One of the Master Cleanse (or Lemonade Diet). I'll be updating this throughout the day... here goes:

WARNING: Since many people have asked that I be very specific about my experience, and due to the nature of what a cleanse *is*, there is some graphic content to follow. If you are squeamish or uninterested, best stop now.

8:30pm (1/11): Drank 8oz cup of "Smooth Move" laxative tea

3:00am: Woke up with some mild abdominal discomfort but not enough to worry with - went back to sleep

6:00am: Woke up to get Cora up for the day while Daddy slept in a little. By 6:30 had to go get Daddy up since Mommy had been in the bathroom twice already. Wow there was a lot of stuff to get "out". Can there be more?

6:45am: Did the "saltwater flush" which consists of one quart (for us Americans that is 32 ozs) of water mixed with 2 tsp of salt. The book says for many people this is the worst part of the cleanse. I used warm water and so was ok (not great but ok) til about 12oz left - then it got icky. By 4 oz to go I felt sick to my stomach. Got it all down though. The book says in about one hour I will need to be "near a restroom" for an hour to an hour and a half. I'm also supposed to do this each morning. No way will that work at the office so we'll see.

7:30am: No "bathroom issues" yet from the saltwater - just waiting. Squeezed my 8oz of lemon juice using my new Black & Decker juicer. That thing rocks. I got 8oz out of three measly lemons. Wow. As I cut the first lemon and delighted in its citrus smell I couldn't help but wonder if 10 days from now the smell of lemons will make me sick. Can't make my first glass of "lemonade" yet - I couldn't find the maple syrup around here so my mom is picking it up at her nearby health food store on the way over here around 10:00 this morning. Will just have to wait til then.

8:00am: Well they weren't kidding - right on schedule the saltwater flush kicks in. Apparently when they mean "near" a restroom, they mean "in" a restroom at all times. One second I was sitting at my computer and the next second (no exaggeration) I was run-waddling like an overgrown penguin for the restroom. There was NO warning. Lets just say I came really, really, really close to not making it in time. Like Olestra anal leakage close. I was in the bathroom for a good 10 minutes the first time. Each time I thought I may be "done" there was another round that came right after. Its tough to tell since it is mostly water passing through your colon and so there is no feeling of pressure to warn you. I had friends once that got sick in Mexico and she described it as "pissing out my a--". I now understand this statement. Round two was only a minute or two in the bathroom. According to the book, by 9:30 I should be ok to start my day.

12:30pm: Ok well I'm on my 3rd glass of "lemonade". I use that term loosely. Its not great. Its not that bad really but when its the only thing you get to consume, you want it to be reallllly good. It's not. This morning I made the mistake of trying it without the syrup since I was hungry and Mom hadn't gotten here yet. Bad idea. Water+lemon juice+cayenne pepper is not tasty. I choked it down but man. The syrup makes it palatable. Went shopping at around 10:30 with mom (and the "eliminations" were just stopping at that point) and Coco bean. It was good to take my mind off things, but on our way back I noticed it was noon and realized how very hungry I was. I'm also tired and not sure if that is the hunger/cleanse or something else. No headache or anything but plenty hungry. I keep catching myself thinking things like "oh I bet its lunchtime" or "I need a snack - what should I have". I cannot tell you how badly I want a Whopper with Cheese and some onion rings from the BK Lounge. On top of that both my parents are here with hubby and I and they are all going to get "some lunch" and bring it back. I'm not even asking what they are getting. They say day 2 or 3 is the hardest. Holy crap. Half of day one is hard enough. Did I mention I'm hungry?

2:10pm: Still hungry but for now I just keeep drinking lemonade when hungry. My family however is EVIL. Remember me saying I was hungry. Remember saying I wanted BK? Guess what they brought home to eat. I had to leave the room. Hubby felt bad and said he wouldn't have brought anything at all but the folks were hungry and wanted BK. He ate his realllly fast and then threw the stuff away. My dad on the other hand ate leisurely and left his fry container on the kitchen table when he was all done. I've been reading other Master Cleanser blogs and some are scary, some are funny, none are as motivational as I had hoped. That is where my sister came in - since all this misery is her doing she said I could call in moments of weakness. I called. She said today is by far the hardest since I carbo loaded yesterday (although I DID have edamame for dinner). She said it will get better and by day 3 I will be feeling a-0k. She and her sig oth told me that if I made it all 10 days they would EACH get me a $20 Sephora gift card. Now that is motivation.

4:30pm: Wow ok I am really hungry. The book says you can know if you are truly hungry and not just having detox cravings if you want a carrot instead of a hamburger or fries. I want a carrot. I want anything. I am hungry. Hungry, hungry. Stomach eating itself, headache, low blood sugar, cant even nap because my body wants food hungry. I laid down on the couch and drifted in and out of sleep for about 30 mins and woke up famished. I just made some more lemonade so we'll see if that helps, but just getting the lemon juice out of the fridge and seeing everything in there is torture. I'm down to eliminating either neon yellow water or what I like to call "poop flakes" - there is nothing else left in there. Coming very close to quitting but I know I can't - I have to stick with it. I can't quit after less than one day. But I am overwhelmed with the feeling that humans are made to EAT!

7:50pm: Major suckage - hubby is really really sick. Puky sick. And hubby never pukes (see Vomitous Maximus post). In fact, until last year hubby would boast that he had been "puke free since 93." Late last year he got food poisoning which broke his streak. The problem now is that sick hubby and wife on fasting cleanse is not good. First of all, I have been having to make him food - ok so only soup, but right now soup smells and looks like the food of the gods. Second, I was counting on hubby to get up with Coco tonite. I'm afraid that if I wake up in the night, I will be so hungry I won't be able to get back to sleep. Third, I need hubby to help with Coco in the mornings when I do my "flush" since I can't care for her and run to the bathroom every 5 minutes. Finally, if he has a stomach bug and I catch it there is no way I can stay on this thing - I have nothing to puke and can't imagine the lemonade coming back up since its already so bleh on the way down. We'll just take this as it comes and see what happens. I don't want to quit (as much as I think about it) because I really want this to work, but if hubby stays sick I may have to. Wait and see...

10:05pm: Day one down and not one thing passed my lips other than my lemonade mix (and toothpaste). I would never have thought I could make it through an entire day without eating anything. Other than hunger, I don't have any of the ickiness that others have reported (no muscle aches, no "hot eliminations", no swollen lymph nodes, no sore throat) but we'll just wait and see. I did notice that I haven't pooed at all since the "forced poo" this morning from the tea and flush other than one tiny time and when I did it was neon yellow bile. The book says this won't happen until my system is flushed out around day 8. (?) I don't know what that means for me. I couldn't do the lax tea tonight... I just can't stand the thought of waking up with tummy cramps especially now that I have nothing in my tummy. I'll do the flush tomorrow morning again though. Well that's all I know. Trust me, remaining posts will be MUCH shorter and MUCH less detailed. Just needed something on day one to keep me honest! :)


Our Family said...

Oh Kristi - this doesn't sound fun at all! I just checked in to see what was up with you guys and WOW! I have to say I was very surprised - you look amazing-I really don't think to need this crazy cleansing, but if your set to do it then I wish you good luck! ...and I promise never to offer you lemonade again when you guys come over!! I'll be checking in to see how it goes!!

FlippyHolz said...

Awwwww thanks. But I want to get a jump start on getting my figure back and this seems to be the best fit for me. Of course right now, considering I'd even eat Cora's food, I'm wondering how long I'll make it.