“Tonight’s the night we’ll make history, honey you and I…” So says
Of course because I am a responsible dieter and don’t want to throw my body into shock, I cut out caffeine already from my diet. I have not had one iota of caffeine since Sunday. I had the headache to prove it all day Monday. I feel so chic – I have now gone through drug withdrawal. I am soooo celeb.
Of course, this being my last day of freedom I had to indulge in some sensible splurges. For instance I hit Starbucks this morning but instead of my “tall, half-caf, nonfat, no whip mocha” that takes me longer to order than to drink, I got very sensible and caffeine free wild sweet-orange tea with NO sweetener. I am soooo good. (pat, pat, pat) For breakfast I got the Starbucks low fat banana chocolate-chip coffee cake. Since it says “low fat” I am sure that means it’s healthy and good for me. Normally I would not think banana-flavored cake with chocolate pieces in it was healthy, but Starbucks promised. They said. Starbucks would not lie to me. So down it went.
Then came lunch. There is a pretzel stand here downtown that is just a little independent guy doing his thing. And man he does it well. I am addicted. I had to have one before I went off into the diet darkness. But they have whole-wheat pretzels so therefore, once again – hello – good for me! Ok so they have so much butter on them they are shiny and I get them with cheddar cheese dipping sauce (or probably “cheddar-flavored” sauce) but still whole wheat = healthy goodness. So I truck my little butt off to the stand (plus I have to walk like half a mile to get there so that totally counteracts the calories and fat - its not like I'm having then delivered to my desk at the office... hey you think they do that??).
I got to my mecca and began to order. The plan was one whole wheat pretzel (as big as my head) with cheese. Oh crap - they were out of whole wheat. Oh man Oh man… well I already came all that way… so I got regular. And that walk made me really hungry. And it is my last day before fasting. So I got two. Each with cheese. And then I saw the pretzel bites. Little bite sized pieces of soft pretzel heaven. I would need an afternoon snack. So I got those too. A large order. With cheese.
At that point even I could no longer pretend I wasn’t a gluttonous freak so I did the only reasonable thing. I began to act like I was ordering for a group of people. I even went so far as to say “hmm they didn’t say which size pretzel bites they want so I’ll just take the large to be safe”. I am lying to a pretzel stand operator. Wow. The need for this diet becomes immensely clear at that point. I walk back to work feeling like a white collar crack-head hiding my contraband. Sooo tonight it looks like a dinner of plain steamed edamame is the way to go.
Oh who the hell am I kidding? Bring on the mac and cheese.